Friday, November 14, 2008
{ 2:35 AM }
i'm so sick. yesterday was a long day, mentally and physically challenging. reached home at about 12 without dinner. whole body ached so horribly i thought it might just fall apart. yesterday was my stupidest (if there's such a word) day. first thing, i injured my leg because i was too anxious to tell everyone something-.-" i walked right into a chair. second thing, i was too eager to get hot water for ama that i forgot that the bottle i was using is made of plastic. and what did i do? i poured hot water into it straight away. the bottle shrunk immediately. the water overflowed and poured onto my hand. suddenly i felt so stupid. but the product was amazing. the bottle was so cute! but it was later thrown away though:( oh wells. good things always come to an end anyways. this morning had to wake up early for lit lecture. at first i didnt want to come to school. but i thought we need to buy the book, so i came in the end. i guess this is why people thought i'm fine. i wasnt. in actual fact, i was feeling dizzy. thank god thendral was with me(:
maybe it's my fault. i shouldnt have showed this indifferent attitude towards you people. but i really couldnt help it. i felt that since i'm so tiny and dont have a say in anything, i might as well shut up and leave. i know i'm running away. i'm always trying to hide when there's a problem. but this time, it took me so much courage to just open my mouth and say that i needed to say something. it didnt work for me because i didnt have a chance to speak my mind. maybe i should have pestered you all. i'm so sorry my character is giving you all problem. but i really did want to help out. i really did. yesterday no matter how bad i felt, i still put in my 101%. i tried to help out in areas that is in need of people. today, i swear i really am sick. i swear. if i'm not sick today, i'll grow to become even more stupid than what i am now. or..i'll get strucked by lighting and get knocked down by the car. thinking again, there is a really big problem. i know i'm speculating and that this may not be true, but it felt so right. my gut feeling is telling me this may be the case.
i've learnt an important lesson: I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN OSTRICH ANYMORE.
if you think you can take over me, so be it. but i believe i'm unique and you are too. you can never take over me, who i am in life, my friends and family, my roles and responsibilities..this time you have won. you managed to replace me. this is the last time things like this is going to happen. i'm not going to let anyone replace me anymore. especially you.